I think this was the first time I actually wanted to get up and walk out of a meeting without looking back. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I would have had to either climb over or under a table in order to do it, I might have.
There weren’t very many people in the room, and even in a large group, it only takes one person to KILL a meeting, which is what happened at the meeting I attended recently. And if charges were pressed, there might have even been multiple “counts” involved. Here is:
Count 1: Personally attacking members of the group in front of others. There’s just no reason for it. While I recognize there are times when things need to be said, there are very few times it should be necessary to use a belligerent style to address something, but if there is, then excuse yourself and do it privately. (Why leave witnesses, right?) So, before you attack someone, ask yourself if it is worth it:
- What is it you hope to gain?
- What do you stand to lose? Is it possible that person is a volunteer who may not participate in the future? Who else might decide to walk? (I did, so it certainly happens.)
- What are other ways you can still achieve that gain without those losses?
- Do you have the authority to wreak that kind of havoc? Even if you are chairing the group, is this part of a bigger organization that may not appreciate the resulting impact?
- Can it wait until you have had a chance to think it through, get some other viewpoints, and then take a professional stance?
I know emotions sometimes run high, and, yes, autopilot kicks in when that happens. But even autopilot has an ‘off’ switch. And since it does, any behavior arising out of that is still a choice: Do you want to admit to the person you are trying to assert dominance over (and everyone else, for that matter) that you don’t even have that control over yourself or do you want to act professionally and ecologically in pursuit of the mission of the group?