The Magic Round Tuit

Posted on February 22, 2012 by Joyce

It’s not a bird or a plane, but it’s better than a speeding bullet.  It’s the round tuit.  You know, the one you never got that, had you had one, would have helped you do something.  And while they are readily available on the internet, people still say they “never got around to it.”

I thought it was funny when I was a kid and I got my first one.  It’s actually quite a powerful tool, though, because it takes away the excuse.

When we look for excuses, we are “at effect,” and we miss out on the desired results.  Not getting desired results builds frustration, stress, anxiety, medical bills, loud voices, and the search for more excuses.  On this side, people feel like “the day got away,” life happens to them.  They seek to throw blame away from themselves like a hot potato, often placing it on someone else.  On that side, people ooze weakness, overwhelm, and negativity.

People who choose to be “at cause,” are looking for results and take responsibility for them.  It’s very empowering, as we make the most of what we have, determined to step closer to our desired results.  On this side, we are great team players, go the extra mile, and exude radiance, confidence, trust, etc.  On this side, we turn the most angry clients into raving fans who will generate referrals, send in positive feedback, and, in short, become our best customers.  We are capable, confident, and balanced.

We all spend some time on both sides, but making the conscious choice to be at cause is one of the best things I can teach clients, whether in customer service, leadership, management, or other role.

What side are you choosing to be on – cause or effect?

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The Truth About Leaders

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Joyce

Leaders are rarely given the title of “Leader.”  It just happens.  As a student, for example, I saw a need for improvements to the facility, and was so passionate that before my brain could jump in with cautionary rhetoric, my mouth had already made a commitment.  When people started asking how they could help I felt a little embarrassed because I hadn’t considered that anyone would look to me for that information, and found myself looking for ways to include them.  In some cases, they even came up with their own ideas.  That sounds so simple and humble, right?  And yet it happens a lot.  It also fits into the definition of leadership.

Leadership is knowing the current situation, the desired outcome, and filling in the gap.  People spend thousands and thousands of dollars studying leadership, and I often wonder if that’s the problem – that leadership has become this elusive holy grail, veiled by charts, graphs, case studies, multi-syllabic terminology…you get the picture.

Who do you trust to lead you where you want to go?  Someone authentic and trustworthy, probably?  Someone who is open, who listens and pays attention?  Someone who is flexible, willing to change strategy, yet strong and persistent?  What else do you notice about them?

Leadership is simple, and while that may not mean it is easy, it also doesn’t require a title or a degree.  It may, however, be helpful to have a mentor, someone who can be a sounding board, and, of course, be willing to pay attention to that person and the people you are leading and where you are going.

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Customer Service Mythbuster #1

Posted on February 7, 2012 by Joyce

However many times you’ve heard, “The customer is always right,” let it go.  The truth is, whether they are or not, it doesn’t matter.

What matters most is that people have their say.  People want to be heard.  They want to be listened to, and will repeat what they have to say, with their words becoming louder, quicker, and more staccato, until they are acknowledged or until they get fed up.  Or if it’s me, I’ll probably ask for a manager.

So how, then, do you let people know they’ve been heard?  One option is to repeat back what they say.  The trick there is to use enough of their words for it to sound familiar, and not so many that it becomes parroting, which is more likely to annoy them.

Second, be silent while they are talking, and leave some space between when they finish and you start talking.  Slow down, focus, and allow yourself to truly listen to what they are saying while they are saying it.  Then, after they are done, consider it for a moment before answering.  While customer service may require multiple skills, it does not lend itself to multitasking.

Customer service is simple, and yet we can always use more tips and reminders.  Today, remember a moment of exceptional customer service, whether you observed it, delivered it, or received it – what made it so exceptional?  How can you offer more of that?

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Meetings Are Not War Zones

Posted on December 13, 2010 by Joyce

I think this was the first time I actually wanted to get up and walk out of a meeting without looking back.  Honestly, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I would have had to either climb over or under a table in order to do it, I might have.

There weren’t very many people in the room, and even in a large group, it only takes one person to KILL a meeting, which is what happened at the meeting I attended recently.  And if charges were pressed, there might have even been multiple “counts” involved. Here is:

Count 1:  Personally attacking members of the group in front of others.  There’s just no reason for it.  While I recognize there are times when things need to be said, there are very few times it should be necessary to use a belligerent style to address something, but if there is, then excuse yourself and do it privately.  (Why leave witnesses, right?)  So, before you attack someone, ask yourself if it is worth it:

  • What is it you hope to gain?
  • What do you stand to lose?  Is it possible that person is a volunteer who may not participate in the future?  Who else might decide to walk? (I did, so it certainly happens.)
  • What are other ways you can still achieve that gain without those losses?
  • Do you have the authority to wreak that kind of havoc?  Even if you are chairing the group, is this part of a bigger organization that may not appreciate the resulting impact?
  • Can it wait until you have had a chance to think it through, get some other viewpoints, and then take a professional stance?

I know emotions sometimes run high, and, yes, autopilot kicks in when that happens.  But even autopilot has an ‘off’ switch.  And since it does, any behavior arising out of that is still a choice:  Do you want to admit to the person you are trying to assert dominance over (and everyone else, for that matter) that you don’t even have that control over yourself or do you want to act professionally and ecologically in pursuit of the mission of the group?

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Conflict: Avoidance v. Prevention

Posted on December 2, 2010 by Joyce

Have you ever gotten really annoyed with someone who seems to be dedicated to avoiding conflict?  You know the ones – instead of talking with someone about a specific concern one on one, they wait until they are in a group meeting, and then they bring it up in general ways, making everyone sit through it, wondering who it really is that is the object of the conversation. Or maybe they won’t commit, preferring to stay on the fence, so anything they “say” really isn’t saying anything.  Those are usually people who are trying to avoid conflict.  They used to drive me nuts, until I decided they are probably trying to prevent conflict.  But there is a difference between avoiding and preventing conflict or confrontation.

Prevention, in my experience, is actually a set of skills.  One of the skills is deep listening – putting every ounce of attention on what is being said, verbally and non-verbally.  The ability to build agreement, changing the perspective by showing that the parties really are working toward a common goal, if only by different methods, is also key.  Note that these are communication skills anybody can develop.

Yes, the skills may take some dedication to develop, and there may be a few highs and lows along the way, but it’s usually worth it in the end.  Not only does it feel better to develop skills and present in an empowered way, but the results are also worth the effort.  Does the idea that more communication reduces the fuel of the fire seem counter-intuitive?

Conflict generally occurs or escalates when people don’t have all the information, causing their imagination to fill in the blanks in order to make sense of the situation.  The person waiting at home with dinner and candles on the table may, for example, fill in the idea that their spouse forgot about their anniversary or doesn’t love them when, all the while, the accused is actually late because he or she is picking up a special surprise.

We are, after all, meaning making machines, right?  So, when people shut down, well, first of all, they are still communicating, though it often is not the message they really want to send.  And, in shutting down, they force the other person to put the pieces together any way they can, and it usually isn’t in a positive way.  That’s why conflict avoidance is not recommended as it can actually have the opposite of the desired effect.  Contrast that with conflict prevention or resolution, though, where people stay open and communicate authentically, willing to risk vulnerability for a moment in order to prevent a lifetime of regret later.  That’s how you turn unhappy clients into raving fans.

Attempts to avoid conflict generally do not have the desired effect, and yet people still do it, perhaps believing that entering into the discussion will make it worse.  I hope I dispelled that myth, but don’t get me wrong – if you are hot, by all means, take the time you need to be able to express yourself authentically and ecologically.  And feel free to encourage others to do the same.  Just don’t walk away with the intention of having that be your complete response.  Instead, let the other person know you intend to have a conversation, take the time you need to be able to identify what it is you need to say and to be able to say it ecologically…then have the conversation.

If you happen to enjoy humor, these conversations can really tickle your funnybone.  It’s amazing how many times people end up laughing when they fill a communication gap, especially if they realize how close they came to losing a great relationship over something that wasn’t even real.  And when you demonstrate that willingness to go the extra mile to stay in a difficult conversation, it often leaves the relationship stronger than it was before.  If nothing else, your staying in the conversation will help you debunk this common statement: “They didn’t even want to talk about it – they just walked away.  They don’t care about me or our relationship!”

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An Easy Customer Service Plan

Posted on December 1, 2010 by Joyce

Have you ever tried to organize a project, event, etc where you were reliant upon other people to do certain things and needed everything to time out perfectly?  I’m organizing a few projects and events right now, and I’m starting to see my East Coast upbringing coming out.

Maybe it’s just me, but lately I seem to be having a lot of moments when people aren’t calling me back as quickly as I’d expect.  So, that leaves me calling them again.  And now they have more work to do than if they had just responded the first time, because not only do they have to do that, but also they are going to have to retrieve my other messages and respond to comments as well.

Now, to be fair, I know there are times when I get really inspired and am flying through my list at a dazzling pace.  Others may not be quite as energized, and they may have more steps than I realize as well.  But I would love to have them let me know that.

So, here’s my customer service tip:  Most people will handle “not yet” better than they will handle no news at all.  So, when you are talking with people, let them know when you expect to get back to them, and do it, even if things aren’t running quite according to what you expected.  The time you save may be your own.

You don’t have to have all the answers when you get back to people.  Just let them know that you recognize your responsibility and that they are important.  I know it can be a little scary to tell a client less than you had hoped, but what is the alternative -not saying anything, resulting in the client getting frazzled as their mind fills with worst-case scenarios?  What if you also have to disappoint them with an answer they won’t like after not having returned calls or responded when expected?

Customer service isn’t a choice.  You may not be doing it well, but you are doing it.  The choice is the quality of the service you provide.  And, that may mean having two short calls instead of one longer, more uncomfortable one.  And I bet that may be true for more than clients.

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Are Form Letters Good Form?

Posted on November 16, 2010 by Joyce

Months ago I had a bad experience when I patronized an organization for the first (and definitely last) time.  I saw my experience as a risk to the health and safety of future patrons who may encounter the same thing, and decided to speak up.  I called the department that handles complaints, which prompted a flurry of form letters.

According to the letters, my complaint has been taken “very seriously,” but if their letter was intended to assuage my fears and concerns, or if it was intended to leave me with a feeling that they really cared or had actually done anything, I have to say that it actually had the complete opposite effect, especially since they actually sent 3 different letters spaced out over the months, from 3 different people, with the same verbiage…and very clearly signed by the same person. Adding insult to injury, the letter from the “Associate Medical Director” that I just received invites me to let him know if I have any further concerns, but, noticeably, there is no mailing address, email, phone #, or other contact information within the content of the letter or on the letterhead it came on.  (Really???!!!)

I could go on and on about all the issues I see in their letters, but I think you get the idea – they didn’t listen, they didn’t care, they didn’t do anything other than generate a bunch of meaningless paper that only served to give the mail carrier something to deliver…and incite me further.  My response is to go higher up the foodchain, not because I didn’t get the response I wanted, but because I don’t believe I have been heard, and I believe my message is important.

While I completely appreciate the fact that people see form letters as a way to save time, generate good will, protect the organization, and offer a standard, there are very few circumstances where a form letter is appropriate, and many circumstances where form letters stand to do more harm than good.  This is particularly true in a situation where someone has complained or commented on substandard service.  I can’t tell you how many times I have turned yelling, screaming people into raving fans who generate great referrals, and it isn’t because I send form letters.  I listen, I let them know they have been heard, and I give them the respect they deserve.

Think you don’t have time for that?  Well… you can take that time with the person who calls, or you can take that time with the people higher up the food chain.  Which would you prefer?

P.S.  If, after reading this, you still insist on sending form letters, PLEASE have them proofread!  This organization didn’t even do that.

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Irate and Angry Customers

Posted on November 11, 2010 by

What would you do with an irate customer?

While I understand there are times when people have so much energy behind an issue they feel an immediate need to blow off steam, I also hold strongly to the belief that a professional is not a doormat.  So, I have a number of strategies for dealing with people who call in the heat of the moment, depending on the situation. Here are two of my favorites:

  1. Stay silent until they finish. When I use this strategy, I also stay silent for at least 10 seconds after they have finished, just to make sure they don’t have more to say. (The last thing I want to do is give them another reason to yell.) Often this results in a rather meek, “Hello? Are you there?” to which I respond, “Yes. Just wanted to make sure you were finished before I started talking.” and we take it from there.  What’s nice about this strategy is that there doesn’t have to be any awkward exchange regarding the yelling or boundaries.  We just move on as though nothing happened.  I’m most likely to use this in a situation where there is not likely to be a repeat of that behavior and where I am not in a hurry.
  2. Ask for their help in helping them or let them know I can’t solve the problem when they are yelling. Once I’ve done this, if they persist I say, “Hey, I want to work with you, and I need your help, bringing it down a few notches to start. Are you able to do that now or would it be better to handle it later?” If they still persist, then the stage is set for me to say, “Okay, it seems like maybe you would prefer to wait to solve this, is that correct? I’m happy to work with you on this now, and I need you to bring it down a few notches now if you want to solve this now. Otherwise, I’ll let you go and we can talk about it later.”  While this strategy may, at first, appear to be harsh, what I love about it is the fact that it gives the professional receiving the call a way to inspire the caller to regain self-control while preserving the professional’s boundaries.

I’m more likely to use the 2nd one in situations where there will be an ongoing relationship with the customer or where the person is so far past the boundary that I feel the need to train them how to respect me by respecting myself first.  I want them to know where the boundary lies for future reference so we don’t have repeats.

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Head or Heart in Business

Posted on November 4, 2010 by

Head and heart are on a continuum—the two go together, and it becomes very hard to function when someone attempts to rely upon one or the other almost exclusively. I have had conversations with people where they say something like, “This is BUSINESS!!” as if emotion had no place in business.

But when you really look at it, people buy emotionally and justify it logically. And just as they buy emotionally, so do they hire/fire/etc emotionally.… and justify it logically. I used to try to rely upon my head (having been trained in law), and eventually became so strong in logic that I could argue both sides to almost any issue—miserable for making decisions. It wasn’t until I re-introduced heart that I felt more capable and was able to make quicker decisions with confidence and consistency.

Heart also helps solve problems creatively, and  is not limited to the heart of individuals. In business, there are the hearts of the people, and there is also the heart of the business (i.e. culture, values, mission, etc). When people put their head above the heart of the business, that’s when problems seem to arise. “Agendas” start to come into play, leading to silos, gossip, etc. The use of head, though, is nice when it comes to the nitty gritty and focusing on that one thing (by which point people with a strong emphasis on heart are usually bored).

Overall, then, the most dependable people are the ones who use both head and heart capably, with, perhaps, a little more weight on heart for direction, maintaining trust and team, and the ability to use head for follow-through.

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The Power of Complaining


Posted on October 31, 2010 by

Regardless of whether I am the complainant or the recipient, I see complaints as a way to clearly define and solve problems. Knowing that problems well-defined are problems half-solved, I see complaints as a way forward, an opportunity.

That said, I also get that sometimes the process of moving forward includes venting, which I much prefer over having things build up. When I am the complainant, I do what I can to be clear on the problem and on who would be the best to solve it before approaching anyone. Then I frame it in a way that the other person is inspired to assist in solving it or giving me the clearance to solve it.

That said, I don’t always have a lot of time to prepare and get myself into the right space to hold that conversation beforehand. In those situations, I ask the person for permission to share what happened in order to put a problem into context so we can troubleshoot and solve the problem.

When I am the recipient, “complaints” are gold because they help me learn more about the person’s expectations and desires and their experience of what is happening. I ask questions to find out what the person is hoping to gain from the conversation and to find out more about the situation itself. That feedback is the “breakfast of champions,” and when I am willing to listen to it and act on it, the relationship I have with that person improves exponentially, to where that person becomes my best advocate and client or team member.

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