I didn’t want to make a deal that would appeal to him, like give him treats – he should just follow commands!  And, to borrow from skeptics, I wasn’t “in the business” of giving him a reward when I took him out – I just wanted him to relieve!  My little pup, however, was about the business of NOT doing that.  In order to get what I wanted, I had to make the task more interesting to him, just as leaders must do with people.

Whether it’s business writing or leadership or training, first we need our audience’s attention.  They need to be motivated, in other words, and studies have shown that money (or the job) alone is not enough.  Maybe you can find someone else to do the job, but then you are out the training/hiring expenses, and may lose some great people with a lot to share.  Besides, odds are something will come up with that new person, too.

I know it’s frustrating when things don’t happen exactly as imagined.  And it’s avoidable.  Focus on what the real business you want accomplished is and when you talk about it with others, use their terms, what’s important to them.

Even the lack of a gulp could be a reaction or response, but not both.  Reactions are best described as “knee-jerk” – short-sighted.  They often involve surges, such as snapping at family after a bad day, stress-eating, yelling at others after a boss yells at you, not returning calls or emails, etc.  To say these efforts are geared toward getting away from what is uncomfortable may give too much credit, for the lack of connection to a plan makes reactions appear “pointless,” and therefore immature.

Responses, on the other hand, are part of a bigger plan. When we respond, we use the situation to bring us closer to our target, so instead of ignoring or throwing it away, we incorporate it into our bigger plan.  Responses include brainstorming, decision-making, and action that adjusts as needed.  So while people may use “react” and “respond” interchangeably, they are not the same.  They produce very different outcomes by quite different means, so leaders must choose to respond appropriately.

To increase your odds of responding appropriately, decide upon your vision, mission, and values now.  When that vampire tries to suck the lifeblood out of you and your team, having this step done already can save valuable time and money while greatly reducing humiliation and stress.  Not only is this step key in resolving situations, it may also prevent or mitigate them as well.

I wonder why it isn’t like that when people have bad attitudes.  Think about it – they are definitely contagious, they affect how you feel, and they affect performance negatively.  And while a common cold may only last a couple days, bad attitudes can go on indefinitely.

So if disinfecting and dusting are the best ways you, as a leader, can prevent the spread of the common cold, what do you do about attitudes?  How do you lift up the group?  You may choose to dive in to the core to find out what story they are telling themselves and then give new meaning or  you may find the highest common positive purpose and help the others see the role they play in bringing that about.  Make it juicy!

These strategies work very well for non-profit boards, corporate c-suites,  departments, and more.  They are simple, and the time they take can reduce sick leave, increase productivity, increase accuracy, increase collaboration, and more within your team.

Are you ready?  When that happens, the business that has already focused on relationship will have already finished a couple laps in the race.  They will have the top talent, because they took the time to listen to what was important to them and act upon it.  And they will have the top clients because, well…they will have taken the time to listen to what was important to them and act upon it.

If that seems odd that customer service and employee relations are similar, think about it for a minute – they both require buy-in!  Get it?  Buy-in.  Without it, your talent and clients  will be ‘bye-ing as they go in search of those who not only get it, but also give it.

Round Tuit - the Key to Success

It’s not a bird or a plane, but it’s better than a speeding bullet.  It’s the round tuit.  You know, the one you never got that, had you had one, would have helped you do something.  And while they are readily available on the internet, people still say they “never got around to it.”

I thought it was funny when I was a kid and I got my first one.  It’s actually quite a powerful tool, though, because it takes away the excuse.

When we look for excuses, we are “at effect,” and we miss out on the desired results.  Not getting desired results builds frustration, stress, anxiety, medical bills, loud voices, and the search for more excuses.  On this side, people feel like “the day got away,” life happens to them.  They seek to throw blame away from themselves like a hot potato, often placing it on someone else.  On that side, people ooze weakness, overwhelm, and negativity.

People who choose to be “at cause,” are looking for results and take responsibility for them.  It’s very empowering, as we make the most of what we have, determined to step closer to our desired results.  On this side, we are great team players, go the extra mile, and exude radiance, confidence, trust, etc.  On this side, we turn the most angry clients into raving fans who will generate referrals, send in positive feedback, and, in short, become our best customers.  We are capable, confident, and balanced.

We all spend some time on both sides, but making the conscious choice to be at cause is one of the best things I can teach clients, whether in customer service, leadership, management, or other role.

What side are you choosing to be on – cause or effect?

Leadership is knowing the current situation, the desired outcome, and filling in the gap.  People spend thousands and thousands of dollars studying leadership, and I often wonder if that’s the problem – that leadership has become this elusive holy grail, veiled by charts, graphs, case studies, multi-syllabic terminology…you get the picture.

Who do you trust to lead you where you want to go?  Someone authentic and trustworthy, probably?  Someone who is open, who listens and pays attention?  Someone who is flexible, willing to change strategy, yet strong and persistent?  What else do you notice about them?

Leadership is simple, and while that may not mean it is easy, it also doesn’t require a title or a degree.  It may, however, be helpful to have a mentor, someone who can be a sounding board, and, of course, be willing to pay attention to that person and the people you are leading and where you are going.

What matters most is that people have their say.  People want to be heard.  They want to be listened to, and will repeat what they have to say, with their words becoming louder, quicker, and more staccato, until they are acknowledged or until they get fed up.  Or if it’s me, I’ll probably ask for a manager.

So how, then, do you let people know they’ve been heard?  One option is to repeat back what they say.  The trick there is to use enough of their words for it to sound familiar, and not so many that it becomes parroting, which is more likely to annoy them.

Second, be silent while they are talking, and leave some space between when they finish and you start talking.  Slow down, focus, and allow yourself to truly listen to what they are saying while they are saying it.  Then, after they are done, consider it for a moment before answering.  While customer service may require multiple skills, it does not lend itself to multitasking.

Customer service is simple, and yet we can always use more tips and reminders.  Today, remember a moment of exceptional customer service, whether you observed it, delivered it, or received it – what made it so exceptional?  How can you offer more of that?

There weren’t very many people in the room, and even in a large group, it only takes one person to KILL a meeting, which is what happened at the meeting I attended recently.  And if charges were pressed, there might have even been multiple “counts” involved. Here is:

Count 1:  Personally attacking members of the group in front of others.  There’s just no reason for it.  While I recognize there are times when things need to be said, there are very few times it should be necessary to use a belligerent style to address something, but if there is, then excuse yourself and do it privately.  (Why leave witnesses, right?)  So, before you attack someone, ask yourself if it is worth it:

• What is it you hope to gain?
• What do you stand to lose?  Is it possible that person is a volunteer who may not participate in the future?  Who else might decide to walk? (I did, so it certainly happens.)
• What are other ways you can still achieve that gain without those losses?
• Do you have the authority to wreak that kind of havoc?  Even if you are chairing the group, is this part of a bigger organization that may not appreciate the resulting impact?
• Can it wait until you have had a chance to think it through, get some other viewpoints, and then take a professional stance?

I know emotions sometimes run high, and, yes, autopilot kicks in when that happens.  But even autopilot has an ‘off’ switch.  And since it does, any behavior arising out of that is still a choice:  Do you want to admit to the person you are trying to assert dominance over (and everyone else, for that matter) that you don’t even have that control over yourself or do you want to act professionally and ecologically in pursuit of the mission of the group?

Prevention, in my experience, is actually a set of skills.  One of the skills is deep listening – putting every ounce of attention on what is being said, verbally and non-verbally.  The ability to build agreement, changing the perspective by showing that the parties really are working toward a common goal, if only by different methods, is also key.  Note that these are communication skills anybody can develop.

Yes, the skills may take some dedication to develop, and there may be a few highs and lows along the way, but it’s usually worth it in the end.  Not only does it feel better to develop skills and present in an empowered way, but the results are also worth the effort.  Does the idea that more communication reduces the fuel of the fire seem counter-intuitive?

Conflict generally occurs or escalates when people don’t have all the information, causing their imagination to fill in the blanks in order to make sense of the situation.  The person waiting at home with dinner and candles on the table may, for example, fill in the idea that their spouse forgot about their anniversary or doesn’t love them when, all the while, the accused is actually late because he or she is picking up a special surprise.

We are, after all, meaning making machines, right?  So, when people shut down, well, first of all, they are still communicating, though it often is not the message they really want to send.  And, in shutting down, they force the other person to put the pieces together any way they can, and it usually isn’t in a positive way.  That’s why conflict avoidance is not recommended as it can actually have the opposite of the desired effect.  Contrast that with conflict prevention or resolution, though, where people stay open and communicate authentically, willing to risk vulnerability for a moment in order to prevent a lifetime of regret later.  That’s how you turn unhappy clients into raving fans.

Attempts to avoid conflict generally do not have the desired effect, and yet people still do it, perhaps believing that entering into the discussion will make it worse.  I hope I dispelled that myth, but don’t get me wrong – if you are hot, by all means, take the time you need to be able to express yourself authentically and ecologically.  And feel free to encourage others to do the same.  Just don’t walk away with the intention of having that be your complete response.  Instead, let the other person know you intend to have a conversation, take the time you need to be able to identify what it is you need to say and to be able to say it ecologically…then have the conversation.

If you happen to enjoy humor, these conversations can really tickle your funnybone.  It’s amazing how many times people end up laughing when they fill a communication gap, especially if they realize how close they came to losing a great relationship over something that wasn’t even real.  And when you demonstrate that willingness to go the extra mile to stay in a difficult conversation, it often leaves the relationship stronger than it was before.  If nothing else, your staying in the conversation will help you debunk this common statement: “They didn’t even want to talk about it – they just walked away.  They don’t care about me or our relationship!”

Maybe it’s just me, but lately I seem to be having a lot of moments when people aren’t calling me back as quickly as I’d expect.  So, that leaves me calling them again.  And now they have more work to do than if they had just responded the first time, because not only do they have to do that, but also they are going to have to retrieve my other messages and respond to comments as well.

Now, to be fair, I know there are times when I get really inspired and am flying through my list at a dazzling pace.  Others may not be quite as energized, and they may have more steps than I realize as well.  But I would love to have them let me know that.

So, here’s my customer service tip:  Most people will handle “not yet” better than they will handle no news at all.  So, when you are talking with people, let them know when you expect to get back to them, and do it, even if things aren’t running quite according to what you expected.  The time you save may be your own.

You don’t have to have all the answers when you get back to people.  Just let them know that you recognize your responsibility and that they are important.  I know it can be a little scary to tell a client less than you had hoped, but what is the alternative -not saying anything, resulting in the client getting frazzled as their mind fills with worst-case scenarios?  What if you also have to disappoint them with an answer they won’t like after not having returned calls or responded when expected?

Customer service isn’t a choice.  You may not be doing it well, but you are doing it.  The choice is the quality of the service you provide.  And, that may mean having two short calls instead of one longer, more uncomfortable one.  And I bet that may be true for more than clients.